Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
