you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
We left an ass print on the piano.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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