We're like a lot better than the average bears
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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