nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
