It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
