you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
