If i could tip my vagina, i would.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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