Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
