It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
