So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
