I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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