Don't make out with my wife yet
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
