Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Randomize
