I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
