If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
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