Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
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