How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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