Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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