Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
