watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
