I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
