To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
