I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
