I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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