She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
