The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
We smell like vodka and hangover
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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