Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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