I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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