I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize
