Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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