Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
