apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
