Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
