I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
