you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
she woke up with a sticky ear
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
