if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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