Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
