; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
