I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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