I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
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