Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Ambien. No doubt about it.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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