A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
