just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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