he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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