you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
