we have officially lost it.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
