i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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