I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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