and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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