So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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